So I would have written this last night if I had the strength, or if I didn’t have someone looking out for me, making me go to bed on time. Thank you. I had community group last night in the Marina (an area down by the water on the north side of San Francisco, only about a mile away from me), and after the first full day with no rain since my smooth first bike ride, I decided to muster up some courage and take a ride on two wheels.

The route to get there isn’t flat. I have to go down Union to Polk street, which is one of the more steep streets I have seen in the city thus far. I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t completely trust my bike at this point. We had a rough first hangout, and he needs to earn his respect from me. I began to imagine my breaks failing as I was creeping down this 89 degree angle of a hill. I was riding so slow, with both hands on the breaks, cars would honk and passerby’s would laugh. Glad I could brighten their evenings.

I made it to the bottom of the hill, and from there it was a great ride. Flat, easy, and fun like it use to be, before wrecking was part of the experience. I was so proud as I arrived. Several in the group knew about the cable car track experience, so I bragged that I can actually ride a bike and not end up on my palms.

So my mood was better as I saddled up to ride home. For the first several streets, I was the man. San Francisco got me once, but I was in charge now. Hyde Street came-a-callin again. As I approached it, I was trying to gain enough speed to carry me up the hill a little bit. I peddled so hard that I began to hear Hambone’s voice talking to me. I began to question how in-shape I was before I realized I had somehow called Hambone in my pocket and managed to turn it on speaker phone. I would say I made it up half-way, who’s counting? ok maybe a little less… I hopped off my bike, played it cool, and acted like I had a phone call. That seemed to work, except I couldn’t really speak. I walked my bike up to flatter ground, and rode into the finish line at my address.

I really felt dizzy and out of shape for the first time in a while. I’m not so invincible anymore. It’s a sad day. As I got a glass of water and began walking back to the sofa, I realized I had spilled half of it, making a nice little water trail in the hallway. I was worn out. I guess I will trade being absolutely exhausted for wrecking though?

My mind started wondering again today as I picked up Donald Miller’s book again after not reading it for the past week or so. I was aboard the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit), which is like a subway that runs from San Francisco Airport, through the city, to the East Bay and then goes north or south. I was headed south to the Carter household. I got comfortable, turned on the new Vampire Weekend CD and opened the book. Within the first couple pages I crossed a line that struck me.

At first I couldn’t concentrate because the skies opened up and were blue and sunny and all of a sudden there were pretty hills in Oakland. Who woulda thought? I began to daydream about my life. This time, I was pondering what I wanted to do with my life. My overall goal for the last couple years was to find something I love to do where that helps others. I feel like that passion has only increased since it began.

While talking about people’s stories still, Donald Miller begins to explain how most people do not ever know what they want to do with their life. They have no goals. No aspirations. He compares it to a movie and says “…we keep walking into scenes in which we, along with the people around us, have no clear idea what we want.” I am a planner, sometimes. It’s not a bad thing, someone tells me often. I like knowing a little bit about what is going to happen, but I am also a huge fan of surprise and spontaneity. I realized that I have never had any clear ideas of what I want to do as a career. Here and there I toss out feelers to see how something may be if I were to try it someday, but never a certain… “I’m going to do that, and no one can get in my way” feeling.

Today, for some reason, I had a strong feeling that I would like the write a book. I have an idea of what it would be about (I’ll explain in depth later), so my mind expanded on that. This vision was taken to inappropriate lengths as I then considered life as an author, or at least some sort of writer. I think writing can for sure help people, and also the schedule of an author would be flexible enough to help people in other ways. Writing is made better by experiences, or stories that someone personally experiences. This idea was very exciting to me, and the only reason I stopped thinking about it was because I realized I had passed my stop where Margie was waiting for me, and had to get off and get back on another train and backtrack. My mind wandered past my train stop. We’ll just have to see if these dreams ever come to fruition.

This happened a couple weeks ago, but I just now figured out how to edit it, put it on youtube, and now put it on here. Try not to get dizzy, it is a little bouncy. No complaints, it’s my first try.

So many times I find myself longing for a splash of joy or a moment of happiness to hold on to. This is a normal thing for humans.

It was so refreshing to hear the story of one of the Jesus’ first signs to his disciples in John 2 as he turns gallons of water into wine. I am in San Francisco looking for cool moments, or exciting times to fulfill my adventure here. As a competitive, adventurous male, I am always searching for something more, something better. Throughout this story, Jesus shows us how joy in him is permanent, a joy that is not affected by circumstance.

In this story, there is no wine, which was known as the joy of the wedding party. He shows that he can provide the  joy to the party as he turns water into gallons of wine, enough to permanently provide for the people of the wedding. Jesus uses this quick story as a sign to something much bigger. It is a comparison to how he provides permanent joy in our lives.

So many times I am joyful in a moment, or in a situation. This joy is incredible, and I am not saying it is bad or harmful by any means, but it is not secured like a joy brought about by the love of the Lord. There are for sure ups and downs to this (what’s a word for the opposite of permanent?) joy. I am experiencing them here as I don’t have as many people to share good times with, and sometimes not having these people also causes times of sorrow. I have been incredibly awed by the joy I can find in Jesus alone, and it is incredible how he can turn a time that I would not predict to be any fun into a time where I can see the joy of the Lord.

God fills us with all the joy that we need. Anything else we rejoice in is just a bonus.

The question this leaves us is, how do we accept this joy? You could answer this a lot of ways, but Jesus’ mother Mary shoots it about as straight as we need to hear it in verse 4, “Do whatever he tells you.” He wants us to put our full trust and faith in him  no matter what. Later on in John 6, Jesus is speaking to a crowd and comes across the crowd with a hard teaching. The crowd scatters, and the twelve disciples are left standing. The Lord asks them, “You do not want to leave too, do you?” and Peter responds “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God.”

I want to be more like Peter as he proclaims this so boldly. He knows that no matter the circumstance, no matter how little he knows, he will trust the Lord to guide him. Today, I heard a good way to describe faith: acting without information. Sometimes I feel like I really am acting without information, and following God’s plan for me, but may I continue to learn how to follow him more wholly and experience his permanent joy rather than reaching for a quick dose of joy elsewhere.

Throughout the past 5 years or so, a lot of you have heard me say I wanted to live in a big city, use public transportation, be able to pass by touristy things and be able to think nothing of it. I realized this afternoon, I am turning into that guy.

During my first couple rides on the cable cars, I was wide-eyed and excited! Today, I stopped by Ross to get a third pillow (I have been sleeping with only 2, it has been a real struggle), some coat-hangers (I had half as many hangers as I did shirts and jackets, creating a nice spot for the left over clothing… on my floor), and a couple other little house items. After I get done, I step outside and walk up to a cable car stop, as tourists are taking photos and anticipating the ride very anxiously. The Powell and Hyde car comes, I get on and take a seat inside the cab part. My first couple rides, I was for sure not sitting in there. I was outside on the bench, or even hanging on a rail posing for a San Francisco Lonely Planet cover. I sat down, put my bag between my legs and starting reading news on my phone. I looked up, saw several people taking part in their own photoshoots and soon realized, I was that guy. That guy that isn’t a tourist. I was proud of myself for a moment, then realized I don’t think I want to be that guy. That guy takes for granted the awesome attractions that are available in this city. I am left trying to decide which guy I want to be.

I wanted to go ahead and post this while I am still dizzy. With so many beautiful areas and places to see here in the San Francisco Bay Area, I figured it would be nice to have a bike to cruise around on. Yes there are hills, but I’m a dude, I can conquer them, right? So after some craigslist research, I voyage to the Richmond district to see a guys bike. After a 50 minute or so bus ride, I meet this dude with a nice road bike. I haven’t ridden a road bike much in my life, but my adventure side said that’s what I needed, as I pictured myself riding along the coast, or cruising across the Golden Gate Bridge. I took it from there and he said it would be a quick ride back to Russian Hill, where I live.

First, I turned onto a bigger road, which seemed normal. After proceeding about 200 yards, I read a sign that says non-motorized vehicles are prohibited. There are no turn offs, walls on both sides. This street somehow turned into a freeway. This left me one option, turn around. There is enough room on the side of the street at first, then I had to go into an oncoming lane for about 50 yards to get back to a normal street.

Now I’m good to go. I think? The next obstacle I run into was somewhat expected. I had to have gone up and over 6 or 7 hills on my way back. Some not so hard, but others leaving me gasping for air. So I knock those out, then the trip really gets good.

I get all the way back to Hyde, one of my cross streets. So I just need to turn left on it, and go up a little bit to Union. Hyde is the street with the cable car, cable cars run on tracks, tracks like to catch skinny road bike tires. I was behind another biker at this point and just didn’t think anything of it when all of a sudden all I feel is the palms of my hands skidding across the concrete. You get those flashes in your mind where you just know the skin has come off your hands completely or your knee cap is detached or something terrible like that. Thank goodness I kind of hopped off the bike and just caught myself with my hands and got scratched up a little. Nothing seriously injured, besides my pride and manhood, as several pedestrians acted like I had just been hit by a dump truck.

I just walked it off. A walk of shame I would call it. The handle bar on my bike bent sideways. But I was thankful that I wasn’t hurt. What would I do if I got hurt out here? Do they have hospitals? Who would take me there? That’s weird to think about. I stopped by the market on my corner and got a blue Glacier Freeze Frost Gatorade, why would anyone get anything else? and a box of velveeta shells and cheese as my reward for wrecking. I earned it.